I wanted to introduce to you my colleague and friend, Mark Susnow as my guest blogger for today. Enjoy his wisdom!
Quite often we let the major events and concerns in our life define how we are feeling moment to moment. We might have financial or personal disappointment. We might feel let down or betrayed or a loved one might be suffering. When we think about these events we feel a certain degree of pain and sadness.
But our thoughts about these events, (the time that it actually takes to think about them) only consumes a fraction of our day. What do we feel in the rest of our day? Do we allow ourselves to notice the beautiful skies and feel the gentle breeze? Do we notice the rains filling up the creeks? Do we allow ourselves to receive the love from our pets. Do we slow down enough to notice?
There is potential magic in almost every moment if we are open to receiving. That means letting go of our judgments and our expectations. It’s beyond explanation. We feel it at unexpected moments.
It is in these moments when we feel nurtured. But we have to let go of our concerns about the rest of our life and to appreciate the present moment. That’s all we have and that’s all there will ever be. The rest is just a memory or our imagination running wild about what might or might not happen. That future that we keep concerning ourselves with keeps changing by the minute. Enjoy what you have. Enjoy the gift of the present.
JOURNEY ON
MARK
Mark Susnow at http://www.inspirepossibility.com is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.
As the new year begins, many of us focus on our resolutions for the coming year. Usually our list is full of ‘shoulds’ that the mind creates in response to what it believes others think about us.
But we can move away from the mind and its habit of living in what’s logical, practical, and known. It dwells in the outer world of circumstances.
Begin this year with a focus on your heart.
Create your ownsong….
Write your own poem….
Move to your own rhythm….
Kate Irwin’s new program is based around proven NLP techniques and using tools she has discovered in over 15 years of studying confidence.
The program takes you through a 21-day process, designed to rerogram your brain easily and naturally (you will only need around 20 minutes a day). For those attracted to this approach, please consider enrolling. Continue Reading »
The days fly by, sometimes so quickly that we forget to breathe consciously. To stop and be still. To be fully in the moment. We forget to do the rich practices that can deeply alter our quality of life.
One of the deepest practices is to simply rest in the heart and notice what is present. In the heart, you may discover a vibration that is actually painful to feel. Continue Reading »
Giving and receiving honor is one and the same. When you honor another, you honor yourself. And when you honor yourself in a heartfelt way, you honor Life itself and all of its mystery. At your essence, you are part of all life. You play a part that is yours alone to play. Make the intention to honor yourself, and take an important step toward true aliveness.
How you can truly honor yourself and, in doing so, honor others:
1. Make choices that respect the sacredness of who you truly are.
You place your attention on the depth of who you are – your essence – rather than only on the surface of your life. You give attention to discovering practices that support you in diving into this depth, and make these practices a priority in your life.
I am joining hundreds of bloggers to lend my support to the Girl Effect led by Tara Sophia Mohr. This is a campaign on behalf of girls like us to become educated and break free from the poverty that invariably kills dreams.
How can we support every one of us on this planet to live a life that honors our own potential – our unique ability to share our gifts? Continue Reading »
The need to be loved is often what drives compulsive giving. It can lead you into a hall of mirrors in your relationships. Compulsive givers feel unseen and unappreciated. They are also exhausted. Continue Reading »
When you are kind to yourself in gentle, soft, tender ways, kindness emanates naturally from your very being. There are no “should’s” or “have-to’s”. There are no rules. Continue Reading »
This talk by Thandie Newton speaks volumes to my heart and to the work that I do as an inner confidence coach. This is what it is all about. I am grateful to Thandie for expressing this with so much clarity, honesty, grace and eloquence.
Many years ago, I lived on a country property with a pond. A neighbor gave me a swan’s egg as a gift, and I was privileged to be present when it hatched. I called the swan “Grace”. Imprinted to me, she grew and learned to swim while following me as I ran around the pond. She was a beautiful creature, and I felt heartbroken when a wild animal killed her. Soon after, I left my marriage. Grace’s death had indirectly set me free. Continue Reading »
With intentions to stop putting yourself last in your list of priorities and to live life grounded in who you are, it’s important to explore what compromise means to you. What are the compromises in your life that you have made for the sake of your relationships? Why? Is it so easy for you to compromise that you often find yourself at the other end of the spectrum – compromising too much? Continue Reading »
At a gathering, I listened to a young man talk about planning for his upcoming wedding. My heart felt for him as he was dealing with the social and family pressures, whether assumed or real, to ‘get it right’ and follow the ‘rules’. All those opinions, all those ‘should’s’. The bottom line question that he was doing his best to address was: how do he and his soon-to-be-wife want to celebrate their marriage? So many conventions that are expensive to follow didn’t feel right to him. I could see the stress as the price and resulting debt for being conventional increased. Continue Reading »
Personal integrity. Lining up our words, thoughts, feelings and actions so there is no doubt that what you are doing and who you are being ‘feels right’ down to your bones. That is a key ingredient of the Claim Your Life as Your Own process. Continue Reading »
Yes, it’s true. Men come to me for coaching on claiming their lives as their own almost as often as women do. Their process can often show up in a different way. Continue Reading »
What I know from experience is that our inner child, that feeling part of us where our deepest wounds often reside, can show up in our relationships…and sometimes drive them.This especially happens when we’re stressed. Continue Reading »
To continue my exploration of the inner child, I would like to talk more about how important it is to be aware of and in dialogue with this deep part of ourselves. Why? It is a wonderful way to self-validate. Validating the child – listening, showing compassion, being with whatever he/she is experiencing – feels so good. Our inner confidence increases. Continue Reading »
What’s important about being able to self-validate?
As human beings, we cannot always depend on our significant other to treat us just the way we like to be treated. We are human, and each of us has our own perspectives and needs. That’s reality. Because our learning is likely to love ourselves, we actually may have attracted someone who is not able to validate our inner child in the ways that we would ideally want. Continue Reading »
Smiling. What a wonderful gift to give ourselves and share with others. All the research points to the impact of smiling…a lot. Our health, our well-being, our relationships – all benefit from smiling. So much power is in our ability to smile. It reminds me that it really is the simple things that make a difference in our lives. Continue Reading »
Finally I have sat down to read this book…a book that so many clients and friends told me that I ‘have to’ read. They were right.
It is a delight, and I’m noticing that I’m already not wanting it to end. I have just completed the first third of the book – the Eat section of Liz Gilbert’s journey- which touched me and reminded me of my Italian heritage (as well as my own history in marriage). Continue Reading »
I notice that when I take time for myself, I am able to deal with the stresses of my day with so much more ease. Taking this time means reading, watching Oprah (who had the author of Eat Pray Love, Liz Gilbert, as her guest yesterday), taking a hot bath, having a nap or meditating/reflecting/journalling and/or relaxing while drinking a cup of herbal tea. I settle into myself at an entirely different level than those days which are all about racing through the To Do List. Continue Reading »
I certainly know that feeling of looking to another for validation, especially in my relationship to my significant other. This happens less and less for me. Now when I find myself in that place, I know that it’s a cue that I’m away from my own center.
What I’ve noticed is that when I’m looking out there to feel confirmed…yes, he does love me…it is all about me. And my attention is out there on him. That is not a loving place, and neither of us benefit. I write this without judgment as I simply notice my behaviour and name it honestly. Then I have the opportunity to choose how I want to be. Continue Reading »
There’s a difference between understanding with our minds and really getting at a heart level what it means to love ourselves first. That jump from one perspective (giving to others) to another (putting ourselves first) takes reflection, awareness, courage and practice. Continue Reading »
When truly claiming your life as your own, an inner confidence grows at a core level. One component of the journey toward owning your own life and fully living your life on your terms is building a strong muscle of self-respect. This shows up in the actions that you take and how how talk to yourself. Continue Reading »
I believe that each of us has our own definition and that that definition can impact the direction of our growth. For example, I see my definition of personal development as being about my inner life – my relationship to myself which impacts my relationship with others. Continue Reading »
Self-respect. There are so many aspects to truly living this one principle. I believe that a whole life’s learning can be based on developing self-respect. The impact of this kind of intention – to claim self-respect and integrate it into all aspects of one’s life – is profound. The soul – the essence of who we are – can thrive in this fertile ‘soil’ from which to grow. Continue Reading »
I received a comment by a reader which was much appreciated. She asked: how do I self-validate in the midst of the roles of mother, wife, friend? Continue Reading »
In talking about self-validation, it raises the importance of addressing the ego so that we understand the bigger context of how our minds work. Through this understanding along with simply observing our minds, a pathway to living from our hearts will open. Continue Reading »
I have noticed that the word, ego, can have a negative connotation.In today’s world, telling someone that they’ve got a big ego can mean that they’re self-centered and/or self-focused which isn’t necessarily seen as a compliment.I have previously written that it is our ego which is the part of us that is about finding our place in the world. It’s our ego where comparison and judgment of self and others lives. Continue Reading »
How does a healthy ego show up in our relationships, especially with our significant other?
Remembering that our ego is about finding our place in the world, a default position when we are stressed is to believe that we are either inferior or superior to others.This belief plays a part in how we react to others and can lead to power struggles, especially with our mates.We can defend our actions, try to prove ourselves, vie for the one-up position, argue, have to be right and/or only see our own perspective.This level of communication does not point us toward intimacy. Continue Reading »
Taking a step back from the themes of writing of late: I am equal. The importance of self-validation. Stepping out of the Victim archetype. I’d like to honour the passing of my beloved dog, Tessa. She was a beautiful and loving soul companion who taught me much about unconditional love and joy. Continue Reading »
There are so many ways that we can tap into that wonderful energy of love.Having animals who become part of our family – those beings we bond with deeply – is one way to experience pure love. Continue Reading »
How do you perceive the challenges that arise in your life?Do you strive for everything to be perfect?Are you driven to control as much as possible the circumstances in your life?What’s that like for you?What is the cost on you?What is the payoff? Continue Reading »
As I listen to clients…to friends…to myself, I more and more integrate at a cellular level that suffering comes from not accepting what is. As I’ve written previously, life has its difficulties. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that every single day can have a difficult or challenging moment. Continue Reading »
I’d like to explore further the writing that began in my newsletter about the impact on our lives when we live in either perspective: “I am inferior” or “I am superior”. In other words, when the drive of our ego to compare ourselves to others is in the driver’s seat. Continue Reading »
Through these eight years of coaching many, many people and consistently experiencing being coached, I continue to grow in my deep awareness of and gratitude for the value that this wonderful practice brings.I feel honoured to be a part of this profession. Continue Reading »
How to we accept all of who we are – our humanness and our Divinity?
In working with the inner critic or Gremlin, my own and my clients, I have seen that being aware of our thoughts and limiting beliefs helps us to move toward self-acceptance.Challenging the truth of our thoughts instead of unconsciously being controlled by them is a practice.Simply by the act of observing our thoughts without criticizing ourselves for having them, we step into the present moment.We breathe.We sense what is happening in our bodies.We get connected to a deeper part of us, our Divine core. Continue Reading »
I spoke with a woman who had attended one of my retreats and has stayed in touch with me over the years.In her wisdom, she shared that she is now in a place where she recognizes that she is on a path that is different from others. It is uniquely hers. And then she said, “I realized it didn’t make me less or more. It’s just what is.” Continue Reading »
Have you ever had the thought that you will disappear if you continue giving and giving to others?It’s a strong way of saying that without paying attention to our needs, we can find ourselves eventually with little left to give. We get disconnected from our core.
When energy going out isn’t balanced with energy coming in, we can become depleted. The immune system reflects this energy deficiency, leaving us open to depression and possibly illness. Continue Reading »
Thomas Wolfe wrote: “Which of us is not forever a stranger and alone?”
A poignant quote which, for me, is that stranger within us all – that part of us who forgets our core, who we truly are, as we busily move through our days.There is a void or emptiness when we are not deeply connected to ourselves.When we identify with our ego, we always want more. There is never enough. We are never enough. The love that people give to us is never enough.We feel essentially alone. Continue Reading »
I revisited an old personal habit today as I had the privilege to witness a client explore her over-demanding self.Our work together highlighted how we can expect so much from ourselves. What can then result is that we demand too much from others. It makes sense to me. Being self-demanding fosters neediness – a depletion of energy that exhausts our spirits and can have us looking to others for support. Continue Reading »
An important component of claiming your own life is managing your own money. Money is energy. Consciously reflecting on how you manage your energy/money is key to your inner confidence. Continue Reading »
There are mornings as I wake up before I jump out of bed and enter my active day that I reflect on my function as a coach. I feel this sense of wonderfully light energy wash over me.
How honoured I am to be in such close proximity to people’s hearts and souls. Masks are left behind as people let down any image or role that may drive them through the rest of their day (at least when we first start on the coaching path together). Continue Reading »
I love that word.Yes.I notice that when I say it, I feel energized.Words have so much power.The yes word peels away my resistance and helps me move downstream with the flow on the river of life.
Just to clarify, what I’m talking about isn’t the kind of yes that is expressed when I really want to say no.Saying no when it’s out of integrity with who I am and what I truly want feels draining and can put me off balance. Continue Reading »
I had a discussion with a friend who has experienced a few sessions of coaching as part of her pursuit of personal growth. Her stance is that people only need tools and then can go on their way. What I know is that passing on tools to my clients so they can support themselves in healthy ways is key to what I do. Continue Reading »
How familiar are these words to you? You might hear your children say them. In frustration, your own inner child and/or adolescent voice(s) may utter them to yourself or even out loud. In my own work with countless clients, I have heard that phrase or a sophisticated version of that phrase at some point with almost everyone. Continue Reading »
How do we create balance for ourselves each day? In claiming our lives as our own, a beginning point is taking the time to connect to ourselves and get clear on where we’re at. It is only from that place that we can take the next inspired and true step in our journeying. Continue Reading »
Communication is about providing meaning. Conflict can happen in all relationships and manifests either through silence (withholding meaning) or violence (trying to force meaning). The book “Crucial Conversation” by Kerry Patterson et al is an excellent resource that talks about creating safety, the antithesis to conflict. Continue Reading »
I notice how busy days can get – for both myself and those around me. What shifts for us when we set the intention to include quiet moments in the midst of our busyness? Continue Reading »
I just got back from leading a workshop in Sonoma, California initiated by www.newleaders.biz. We worked with twelve teenagers who chose diversity as the essence of their group. Different economic and cultural backgrounds, a mix of girls and boys and a wide span of ages were the reasons for their choice. Continue Reading »
As I continue to reflect on the power of the time spent with 12 teenagers in California through the work, www.newleaders.biz, one significant exercise stands out. The value of being able to respect a wide variety of perspectives is key to being a leader. Continue Reading »
I’ve often defined integrity as living from that centered place when our words, feelings, body sense and thoughts line up behind our actions so we feel ‘on the mark’. Our choices feel right without any doubt. We feel centered in who we are. Our actions match our own personal code. Continue Reading »
Celebrating your birthday is a wonderful way to treat yourself and honour your life. Self-acknowledgment, self-appreciation, self-love – each of these states can be reinforced by taking time for our birthday celebration in ways that work for us. Continue Reading »
For many whose work it is to fully claim our lives as our own, who have a tendency to lose ourselves when relating to others, it is valuable to give our attention to deeply knowing ourselves.
Nicole S. Urdang, a cognitive therapist, wrote about a wonderful metaphor which I will play with in my own way for you to more deeply know the truth about yourself. Continue Reading »
Being in nature – truly being present in nature – nourishes the soul. When we are open to receiving the beauty of nature that encompasses everything, both dark and light, we feel at One. It is then we know who we truly are; it is then we know the deepest part of ourselves. Continue Reading »
There’s power in taking a stand. For example, a client of mind has taken a stand for acceptance. When she notices people judging themselves harshly, she challenges them. She also challenges herself.
The impact of this choice to take a stand in this way is that she is tolerant of others and herself at a whole new level. She’s feeling happy. She has energy to get things done. She has stopped “sweating the small stuff”. Instead of feeling irritated with someone’s behavour, she simply listens…forgives…accepts…and challenges them to do the same with themselves. Gentleness, tenderness, acceptance – all are the order of the day. She feels FREE. Continue Reading »
We are all required to make decisions in our lives – a lot. There are decisions to make that are a part of daily living – like what food to eat, entertainment to choose, book to buy, restaurant to dine at, issue to raise with someone close – the list goes on and on. There are BIG decisions around our careers, our intimate relationships/marriage, and our health. As leaders in the context of our families or businesses, there are a myriad of important decisions to make that potentially impact many. Continue Reading »
A client asked out loud a question that many have thought on the inside. Is it just me? Why am I so sensitive? Why do I have so much mind chatter? Why are my feelings so on the surface? Is everyone like that?
My thoughts – yes, they are – within a range. Everyone has a mind filled with concepts that are limiting and that trigger feelings. And there are people who choose to keep their inner cave dark and closed or at least parts of it – NOT wanting to poke around and find out what’s really there. Continue Reading »
I will not be coaching or writing until June 16th as I will be away at a retreat with Arjuna Ardagh, the author of “The Translucent Revolution” (plus many other books), to explore awakening – both the living and coaching of this state of being.
I am open and very much looking forward to the changes that will come from this focussed and powerful training. Typically, we think of change as related to outer circumstances. This time with Arjuna, immersed in the work of awakening, is about change on the inside to be radiated outward in ways that will unfold with time. Continue Reading »
In today’s world, we are all challenged to consistently open ourselves to learning something new. Life requires this from all of us. New technology, changing weather, a shifting economy, new careers or the upgrading of current ones, staying healthy, adjusting to the natural transitions of aging – the list of what is there for us to learn and adapt to goes on and on. Continue Reading »
In Arjuna Ardagh’s latest blog at www.arjunaardagh.wordpress.com, he talks about an event – Awakening Coaching that took place at the beginning of June in California – and its impact on all of the participants who came from around the globe to learn how to apply this work into their current coaching practices. As many of you know who read this blog regularly, I was one of these participants.
In this blog, Arjuna has this to say about awakening: Continue Reading »
What is inner certainty? It is the place of knowing what action is to be taken without question – in other words, without any doubt. Inner certainty is beyond the mind and often shows up in the body as a relaxed state. When we experience inner certainty, we say that the choice we’re about to make “just feels right”.
We all have many decisions to make, some more important than others. Often, we can feel undecided or confused. We put pressure on ourselves to get it right. We’re afraid to make a mistake. Regarding a specific decision that’s up for us, the mind can be filled with various, opposing points of view which can leave us feeling ‘stuck’ and has us stop in our tracks. Even if we do take action, we’re impulsively acting to avoid the anxiety. Continue Reading »
‘Trying to control’ our own lives and the lives of those around us, especially those who are close to us, can be a common human trait. We want people to respond to us the way we want. We have expectations about how someone should be, particularly with us. We can get into thinking we’re right or that there is only one way – our way. We think that something must be wrong with us if our lives aren’t going exactly the way we think they should – and then strive or grasp or try to fix what we ‘think’ needs to happen so that we get on track. Continue Reading »
Resistance is a big word that has lots of undercurrents. Resistance impacts the pleasure we get out of life, the peace of mind we experience, the flow and ease of how we move through life’s demands and challenges. It can stop us from receiving love, reaching success (at least our definition of it), and creating great relationships. Continue Reading »
Through my years as a coach, I’ve heard this phrase voiced many times – “I want to be me!” This want usually includes – “I want to say no without guilt” and “It’s okay to do what’s right for me”. On the other side of the coin, there’s a pull to 100% agree with others, avoid confrontation, or do something that isn’t in line with one’s heart.
What is the path to being yourself? How do you follow your heart instead of what you think you should do? Continue Reading »
When you’re in the process of transition, particularly a major transition, there arises an opportunity to claim your own life at another level. It’s during these times of change that we get to honestly look at all the areas that aren’t working for us. It’s during these times that we get to set new boundaries, put forth with clarity what we want, and accept even more accountability for our life. This requires courage. To have loving, affirming, empowering support during the scary times when we are stepping into the unknown is invaluable. Continue Reading »
An old friend of mine shared with me, “I marvel at what my friends teach me”. She wasn’t talking about learning how to garden or dipping into politics at a deeper level. She was addressing the emotional charges, the judgments, the highs and lows of relationships. Instead of making it about her friends, she takes fully accountability for herself. Continue Reading »
Anger is a feeling that is or has been a challenge for most of us to accept and express in healthy ways. Collectively, there seems to be lots of messages that we receive about anger being ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ or ‘wrong’.
The reality is that we all know that acting out anger can cause problems in our relationships. The persecutor within us who feels victimized and wants to blame others can be the driving voice of anger. We’ve been the recipient of anger that has left us feeling bruised, either literally or metaphorically, and/or we’ve been the one who has expressed anger and noticed a relationship dissolve because of it. Continue Reading »
Here in my part of the world, it’s summer. Spending time outdoors in nature is a must at this time of year, at least for me, as everything is so lush and green and fresh. All the wonderful colours of flowers and shades of green. The warmth of the light. Little animals darting in and out of the high grasses and woods. The ability to go into the backyard and pick herbs and the freshest of vegetables. Our dogs exploring with joy everything that catches their attention. Yes! Summer is a great metaphor for the abundance of Life. Continue Reading »
The mind can be brilliant – inventing, designing, creating, integrating, synthesizing, memorizing – all of this and more as it deals with the details of modern life. The paradox is that the mind can also be ‘crazy’. It feeds us stories and beliefs orginating from old conditioning and habits that are limiting and based on untruths. The mind can stop us from feeling joy – that inner state that is free from external circumstances and is always present when we touch deeply within. Continue Reading »
A client came to a coaching call filled with the pain of ‘one more thing’ that was not working. It had been a month of difficulties in relationships, work, and health – a very real time of challenge for him. Disappointment, confusion, and discouragement were present.
Like this person, during the painful times, we may hear ourselves think, “Why does this stuff keep happening to me? It’s not fair.” It can be the voice of the child within us from long ago who has been disappointed in some way. Or it may be the voice that has watched a life unfold differently than what had been dreamed about in much younger days. Continue Reading »
Actively trying and striving to ‘make’ something happen can stop true creativity in its tracks. Spending conscious time in stillness plants the seeds for creativity to emerge. Easily. Fluidly. When a client and myself enter the stillness of our true nature, insights and new ideas burst forth in a way that is very different from those times when the mind is ruling.
It is in the Stillness that is accompanied by deep listening where we get in touch with the truth of who we are. From this truth, we simply know what we need to do. Our hearts tell us. Our bodies share their wisdom with us. We are awake to life, our own lives, creatively moving through us. Continue Reading »
Once a year for the past eighteen years, I have been blessed to spend three days in the Canadian North with five dear women friends. As we are all trained in personal growth facilitation, we have used this time to support each other in dealing with the events of the year prior and jump starting what’s next.
As you can imagine, we have been through much together - the death of one of the women in our circle, the birth of grandchildren, the death of a grown son, the divorce of another son, my own divorce – and the list goes on, like life. 2009 saw one of us lose her husband to a rare disease.
This circle of friends/professionals was a safe place for her to truly share her grief this year – and she did just that. Her biggest challenge was coming to terms with her husband’s life as a seeker. Continue Reading »
There are days for all of us when we notice that we are almost obsessively trying to ‘get it’. This ‘getting’ can pertain to getting the job done, getting why something happened, getting a new concept, getting where we think we should be, getting our dream to happen, getting more….more…more…
You get the idea There can be so much to strive to ‘get’ if we choose this direction for our lives. Continue Reading »
I am very excited to be travelling to California again to assist in an Awakening retreat. The deepening of this work into my practice is making a difference for myself as a coach and for the clients with whom I’m privileged to coach. Continue Reading »
I had the privilege this week of listening to Kofi Annan, the one-time Secretary-General of the United Nations (1997-2006) address a group of 6000 students at the University of Buffalo. As a backdrop, it might be helpful to know that this university has one of the highest percentages of international students in the United States. – at least 4000 of the university’s student body. The UB students gathered in this jam-packed auditorium, many from all over the world, having resoundingly requested Kofi Annan to open their Speakers Series. Continue Reading »
All of us know what it’s like to want and even expect to get something from someone else, especially in our intimate relationships. It may be more attention, love, appreciation, acceptance, understanding – the list goes on.
In some way, we want that other person to give us what we didn’t get when we were kids. We’re looking at someone else to fill the gap. And at a deep level, we just want to be unconditionally loved and accepted. Continue Reading »
I define an edge as a step that is calling you that’s scary to take. In other words, doing ‘whatever it is’ would be a real stretch for you. Jumping over that edge would be moving past old conditioning and habits into new territory.
For instance, an edge might be leaving an intimate relationship that hasn’t worked for a long time, and you deeply know it would be best to move on. It might be leaving a career that isn’t enjoyable to you or reflective of your real strengths. It might be taking up something new like painting or public speaking. Or an edge might be allowing yourself to fully open your heart to a new partner after being hurt many times before. Continue Reading »
As givers, we know very well what it’s like to give the gift of time. It is time that we give to others in a myriad of ways that express our own strengths and are reflective of our true nature.
Take a moment to reflect on how you give your time to others – to your loved ones, at work, in your community. This is your spiritual practice. This is how you embody love. Continue Reading »
In Oprah’s newsletter this week, Marcus Buckingham reports on the statistical findings of a recent, 2009 survey concluding that today’s women are generally not as happy as women forty years ago (statistically substantiated by six major surveys in developed countries throughout the world). Also, the survey found that women get less happy as they age; men, in comparison, get happier. Depression is the second highest disease for women (heart disease is second) while it ranks as 10 for men. Continue Reading »
The media talks or writes a lot about the word, confidence, whether it be self-confidence or a quiet confidence when describing someone. Confidence often refers to an attitude of “I can do this”, “I take risks”, “I believe in myself”, “I like who I am”. In our culture, confidence is a quality to aspire to – one that is admired, respected and, as an offshoot, often leads to success in worldly terms.
What I refer to when I talk about inner confidence are the feelings of well-being, serenity, and joy that come from deeply knowing yourself (the experience of your true nature), accepting the lightness and darkness of being human (living in the paradox), and freely expressing the truth of who you are (Presence). Continue Reading »
There isn’t anyone who doesn’t know what it feels like to want to defend oneself. Even if we’re not actively defensive, the urge to defend our feelings, thoughts, and/or actions is part and parcel of being human.
The belief system around ‘getting it right’ or ‘being good’ is built into our conditioning – not just through our parents but through our culture as a whole. We generally want to feel in control instead of vulnerable. We want to be loved and fully accepted for who we are. It can be difficult to see criticism as simply feedback. We’re afraid of to feel rejected, be abandoned, or to be just plain ‘made wrong’. We want everything to be fair. Continue Reading »
Do you live your life like you are constantly ’saving for a rainy day’? Do you put off activities that you would love until some time in the future – who knows when? Do you keep putting yourself on hold in subtle and not so subtle ways?
This can be a common habit – one that you’ve likely learned from your childhood where people important to you modelled this type of behaviour. Generally-speaking, in our busy world, there is a cultural push to be goal-oriented, accomplished, hardworking, and driven to go after more and more and more – all attitudes and behaviours that stop us from doing what we’d really love to do in the moment. Continue Reading »
In our culture, it is very familiar to read, hear, and deeply understand from our own experience what it is like to seek confidence, exude confidence, and feel confident or ‘a lack thereof’ which is usually labelled as insecure. Confidence is something to be desired and attained, and insecurity is to be overcome.
When I added the ‘inner’ to confidence (www.innerconfidencecoaching.com), I was pointing to confidence as being all about an inner state of being rather than attached to external circumstances. As I’ve worked with inner confidence with many, many people through the years, I continue to deepen my own understanding of the depth of what this means and feels like. Continue Reading »
When we direct our attention within to the very core, our true nature, we find ourselves experiencing a sense of peace and spaciousness that is always, always present. We are essentially that presence, that awareness, that stillness.
In this resting in our true nature, inner confidence flourishes. We trust life. We trust that our decisions come from clarity. We feel an inner certainty. The gifts that are inherent to who we are on this planet flow through us. Continue Reading »
Those of you who find your way to this site know what it’s like to be a giver. To give your unique gifts to the world is very beautiful and central to the heart path of being human.
You likely also know what doesn’t work in easily giving to others – the lack of inclusion of your own self in this giving. Continue Reading »
Is this the most beautiful and loving life I can possibly imagine and create? And if not, the question then becomes – what is the most beautiful and loving life that I can possibly imagine and create?
This time of year as we transition into a new year holds the possibility of inspiring deep reflection about where you are right now in your life – with emotional honesty and clarity. As you reflect, I point you to looking at your internal state rather than external circumstances and the search for something more. The search for ‘more’ can lead us to states of discontentment and scarcity. The discovery of what is already here within you – and the inner confidence that is created from that – makes all the difference to the quality of your life and the difference you make to others. Continue Reading »
For many of the clients who I’ve been privileged to coach responsibility meant over-responsibility, in actuality. What I mean by this is that their openness to question and address what their part is in any relationship dynamic is in the ballpark of self-responsibility…and inner confidence. When responsibility was taken for the other person’s part as well as their own, an imbalance resulted. Continue Reading »
A wonderful way to use intuition as a tool to create flow and ease is to notice your body – what increases and what decreases its energy. Your body is a compass that you can follow; the reason being that the body is in the present moment which is very different from the mind.
When the mind is involved, that sense of true and clear knowing can be difficult to reach. You may get a ‘hit’ about something and, after checking out your assumptions, find out that what you thought was true was only partially true. The mind, everyone’s mind, has a tendency to make up stories, based on points of view grounded in old conditioning. The other factor of the mind is that we can fool ourselves into thinking that we can use our intuition to control our future – to make that perfect decision or to get it right. Continue Reading »
What is love? When we go within to our very core and rest in the stillness/peace/spaciousness, we know and experience that love is ever-present. In our natural state, the heart is open and love flows through us, replenishing us and all those around us. Love simply is; there is nothing to do. Continue Reading »
When we take the time to be, we touch into our natural state that gently arises in the fertile soil of silence. In the silence, we understand that we don’t have ‘to do’ anything, in particular. Instead, we rest into our natural state – the state of stillness, peace, and spaciousness – and accept whatever arises, whether it’s tension, a feeling, or a thought. We let go of the control to be anything but who we are in each moment. An attachment to habitual thoughts melt away. The heart softens and expands so that love can flow. A felt connection with all that is grows. Clarity blossoms. Continue Reading »
If you’re a person who is naturally giving, there may be times when you indiscriminately direct this giving energy. In other words, you may hear and try to respond to everyone around you who is in need. You may forget that you get to choose where you direct your energy. Continue Reading »
My invitation to you is to consciously spend time today observing the thoughts that pass through your mind. What do you notice?
How much of your thoughts are focussed on expectations or desires? How common are the phrases “I wish” or “if only” as you pay attention to thought? In other words, how often do you focus on lack? When you try to control your thoughts or even judge yourself for having a thought, what do you notice? Continue Reading »
Do you really know deep in your bones that you – and only you – get to choose what your life is about?
A client of mine, in the corporate world as well as being a mother, realized that her high expectations of her mate kept intimacy at bay when she tried to get him to behave differently. Everything organically changed when she stopped expecting him to be anyone else than who he is. Accepting what is now keeps her heart open and love flowing outward.
I focus much of my work on natural givers – those of you whose giving can get out of balance with receiving. This is a path that I, too, have walked. With this level of giving, you lose touch with your own self. You lose a sense of what you need and want. You give to receive love and approval. Giving helps you feel important and worthy. You may give to avoid loneliness. There are innumerable reasons why giving when out of balance with receiving can seem more like martyrdom or as a means to an end.
Learning to balance giving and receiving is a human journey toward living a life on inner confidence. Continue Reading »
Sometimes it can be easy to feel peaceful – all is flowing, all feels good, life is lined up in a way that really works. Then there are times that feel like a wild ride through life. I’m just making my way through one of the latter times which is why I haven’t been on this blog for awhile. Continue Reading »
Men and women have an inner feminine and inner masculine. The inner feminine is the aspect within that is feeling, nurturing, loving, intuitively aware of others, and highly motivated to relate to and connect with others. The feminine lives in the heart. Continue Reading »
Committing to listening to the voice of your heart can be a radical act. Sometimes it gives us information that we’d rather ignore because there’s a part of us that wants something different. Sometimes it requires a lot of courage to follow through on its message. Sometimes it can lead us into the unknown. And, sometimes, our heart leads us straight to joy. Continue Reading »
What do you notice when you go after love? When you please, want to be liked, need to belong and feel accepted, and/or seek approval? In other words, what do you notice when you come from need? Continue Reading »
Relationships get messy sometimes. Messy relationships are part of life and happen for everyone.
I witness this in my own relationships, not just with my significant other. Feelings get triggered here and there. Different points of view stir the pot of the identity called ‘me’. The mirror in front of me reflects back the identity of ‘other’ - challenging me to explore. What I am resisting? What am I not owning about myself? What am I avoiding feeling? What is numbing the heart? Continue Reading »
The word, confidence, comes up a lot in our culture. It’s at the core of the work that I do through my writing, coaching, and leading of retreats. It’s been the biggest piece of my own personal journey.
What I now see is that confidence is essentially founded upon a concept of the mind that has its own frequency, vibration, atmosphere. It is essentially an experience. Such beliefs as ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘something is wrong with me’, ‘I know it all’, ‘I’m less than’, or ‘I’m better than’ are all examples of thoughts which influence whether confidence is present or lacking. Continue Reading »
In my last post, I shared, “inner confidence is not about gaining something. What is really happening is an inhibition to the natural flow of life. There is a block to Life. Natural confidence that resides deeply within us when we rest into peace/stillness/spaciousness is always, always present.” This is the primary key to confidence – allowing the experience of simply being to arise naturally as mental barriers drop away. Continue Reading »
Inner confidence flows naturally when we are connected to our core, the spacious peace that is our natural state. This spaciousness/stillness/emptiness is the Big Love, beyond the confines of the personality. Continue Reading »
There is a wonderful phrase that is commonly used, ‘the river of life’.
A river has its course. It moves with the twists and turns that appear moment by moment. It flows over obstacles. Sometimes the current is fast, so fast the river is made up of rapids of seemingly chaos. At other times, the movement appears to be slow, yet is always moving forward, connected to the whole. Continue Reading »
I had the privilege of leading a retreat this summer called “Nurturing Your Soul” at www.carmelniagara.com, a beautiful and peaceful center in Niagara Falls, Canada. Being together with women in a circle is a powerful way to support us to get in touch with who we truly are and what we truly want. Continue Reading »
Your work is to discover your life and with all your heart to give yourself to it.” – Buddha
When you claim your life, a life grounded in your own body, you discover your deepest self beyond the conditioned mind. As you integrate Presence into your life, you naturally share your unique gifts with your world.
You can express these gifts in a myriad of ways that bring you pleasure – and not just through a chosen career path. The challenge can be to also fully express your natural gifts with your life partner, your family members, and your friends. The practice becomes expressing the gifts that are uniquely flowing through you wherever you are as you move through your day by simply being your true self. Continue Reading »
Bryon Katie, the creator of The Work, has done a brilliant job of teaching us how to be aware of whose business we are in with our thoughts. There is God’s business, someone else’s business, and our own business. In many ways, the ‘claim your life as your own’ work that I do is all about learning to stay in our own business. Continue Reading »
The beautiful blue heron visited David and myself along with our black Lab, Gracie on our morning walk on the beach this past Monday. It flew over us in all its majestic glory, landed on the rocky shore, and peacefully sauntered close by for at least thirty minutes. Resting. Aware of its surroundings. One with all.
Have you ever heard the thought, “I have to protect myself” pass through your mind? It’s natural to have this thought – our reptilian brain is all about ensuring our survival. The reality is that there are times we are in physical danger; protecting ourselves is the sensible and needed response. And more often than not, this thought is a habit that has developed over time to attempt to stop us from getting hurt or giving away our power. Continue Reading »
My clients are natural givers – those who give to the point where they lose a sense of themselves. They often began our work together unconscious about their own feelings and needs. They gave to to others at the expense of their own life and, as a result, their vitality was low. It was natural that they felt undervalued because they set it up that way. Their own self-worth – that natural inner confidence – was not at the forefront. Continue Reading »
Each morning when I wake up consciously, I see that a new day has begun.
Fresh. No past. No future. Just the presence of these first moments of waking up, this precious beginning.
Waking up each day in this way makes all the difference. There are no thoughts of what must be done. What happened or what didn’t happen yesterday. There are no thoughts about what I did correctly or what I should have done differently. Continue Reading »
We can forget that as we run through our list of to-do’s. Busy minds. Busy bodies. Busy lives. Until we feel the need to rest. To stop. And we truly listen to that internal message from our heart.
Life can ask a lot of us. What do we truly want beyond all that busyness? That becomes a question that is very important and can be missed in the ‘doing’ of Life. Not what do we want in the future. Next week. Or the upcoming new year. What do we want in this moment? What is truly calling us right now? Continue Reading »
I love the silence that fills the space when I simply rest in a chair with nothing to do or say. Being. Present. In solitude. I, also, love those times while with another when words aren’t required. A walk in nature where there is the silent connection of sharing our surroundings, and that is rich in itself. Simply taking in all the beauty that feeds the senses – together. Step by step. Continue Reading »
I had the privilege of leading a couples retreat last month a powerful experience that impacted those who participated, including myself.
Men and women. The inner masculine. The inner feminine. Different styles. Different ways of perceiving the world. These men and women came together to look past their own points of view that can result in a sense of separation and disharmony. Continue Reading »
This spring, the process of unloading books, dusting them off, and rearranging them on newly-painted shelves gave me a surprising insight. Many of the books that mean the most to me are focused on the mystical path of present-day living. I hadn’t realized the many years that I’ve been called to this path.
I have learned that living in the present, on a day-to-day basis, is a deep and very rewarding practice that unfolds throughout a lifetime. Like no other, this multifaceted calling is the road to true inner confidence.
As I wrote this, spring was just starting to unfold in this part of Canada. In the dreariness of the quiet afternoon, there was alternate rain and snow.
The time of melting had begun, and made me aware of the inherent beauty of the heart.
The melting heart softens the walls created by beliefs, and they crumble.
These beliefs often say “I can’t trust you”, “I don’t trust myself”, “the world isn’t safe”, “I don’t want to feel pain”, “it hurts too much to be vulnerable”, “no one loves me”, “I’m not important”, “I’m afraid to be used”….and many, many more.
As these beliefs take hold, grip harder, they create tension in the chest. They prevent us from seeing the perfection of Life as it is, in all its simplicity.
The process of allowing the heart to melt away beliefs begins when we take the time to be still and drop into awareness. As we get quiet, we question the mind, inquiring beyond our beliefs and feeling whatever is to be felt. In the Silence, we can notice the beliefs that harden our hearts and distance us from the experience of pure Love.
This process cannot be forced.
Bit by bit, the heart gently opens. Then we find ourselves melting into the One Heart, where we feel connected to ourselves and to everyone and everything.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the mental realm as a professional student, educator/counsellor, coach. I’m an avid fan of processing my experiences. As the years go by, I’ve learned that what I’ve most longed for rests in my heart – in this moment.
I focus my attention into my deepest feelings. That allows me to notice and release stories that are attached to those feelings. It is here that I gently and compassionately acknowledge the habits of my personality that take me away from presence/love.
The heart holds everything. Peace and awareness of true connection arise. In the heart there is a fullness that I never thought possible. The unfolding of the heart is worth nurturing. As our awareness of the Heart opens, we can truly give to others in free and natural ways.
This is inner confidence. This is where the fertile soil to be truly oneself rests. This is Love, pure and simple.
Practice:
Breathe into your heart. Pay attention to the moment of stillness between the inhale and exhale. Drop down into where the silence lives. Notice the thoughts and beliefs that arise. Notice what happens in your heart.
If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is a coach and author who partners with naturally-giving men and women who place other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are disconnected from themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality, and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive gifts to support you in this journey home to yourself, including an e-course from “The Inner Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Claiming Your Life as Your Own” written by Jeannie. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.
I have a bulletin board in my office where I post sources of inspiration – photos, quotes, powerful questions, reminders. From an ad for something I no longer remember, I posted a collection of wonderful words:
It’s easy to gravitate to these qualities and feelings. Our culture places them on a pedestal – and many people do their best to cultivate these qualities within themselves. People may make them part of their persona, even when they do not feel these things. The persona is the mask that they show the world.
When you deeply know yourself beyond the conditioned mind, you experience lasting peace, wholeness, and vitality -- your inner confidence. You accept the lightness and darkness of being human. You pour forth the gifts you were born to give - freely, naturally, effortlessly, and creatively. You truly live your own life.
Testimonials
Jeannie Campanelli is an incredible person, my gratitude to her for bringing out the me in me...highly recommend this personal work." -Melissa - Environmental Consultant, Yoga Teacher, Mother
There can be so much to strive to ‘get’ if we choose this direction for our lives. 
Fresh. No past. No future. Just the presence of these first moments of waking up, this precious beginning.
Jeannie Campanelli is an incredible person, my gratitude to her for bringing out the me in me...highly recommend 
