Staying in Your Business

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 20:47:31 +0000

Bryon Katie, the creator of The Work, has done a brilliant job of teaching us how to be aware of whose business we are in with our thoughts. There is God’s business, someone else’s business, and our own business. In many ways, the ‘claim your life as your own’ work that I do is all about learning to stay in our own business.

For those who are attracted to my work as a coach, being in other people’s business is a common habit. The impact of this habit is that our own energy gets scattered and ungrounded. We rescue others instead of empower them by seeing their resourcefulness and wholeness. We worry about our impact so try to take care of people who haven’t asked us to do so. We assume what someone else might need and/or what they might be thinking and feeling and then alter our behaviour accordingly. We look to others for approval, appreciation, or love. We are OVER THERE imagining, assuming, watching instead of truly being in our own life.

When we are in the business of others, we give away our power – big time. We try to be in control. We try to fix our relationships or what we perceive as a problem. We focus on getting rather than giving our natural gifts that truly show up when we’re simply being ourselves in our own business. We try to be in control when the reality is that control is an illusion. What ends up being created instead is resentment and distance – the very qualities we want the least.

This also applies when life is happening around us that doesn’t coincide with how we think it should be. In this case, we are in God’s business. The truth is that it is all out of our hands, and life has its own way of unfolding. When we are in our own business, we do what is our part to do and then let go.

Throughout this piece, I have written ‘we’ because learning to stay in my own business has been my learning, too.

This is what I now know:

This tendency is not who we essentially are. It is a learned aspect of the personality or identity we call ‘me’.
Simply noticing this tendency in a playful, loving way makes all the difference. Being able to laugh at ourselves by exaggerating the quality is a great way to rest back into our true nature.
Being in other people’s business creates suffering. It takes time to integrate a new way of questioning the mind. Deep awareness helps.
This is a lifelong practice that is fruitful and breeds authenticity as well as intimacy.
It helps to get support. I have a coach, and it makes all the difference. Her sole mandate is to keep me in my own business.

Practice:

Set the intention to notice. Whose business am I in in this moment? Begin here and see what evolves as you journey through standing in the power of your own Source energy to claim your life as your own.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is a coach and author who partners with naturally-giving men and women who place other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are disconnected from themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality, and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive gifts to support you in this journey home to yourself, including an e-course from “The Inner Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Claiming Your Life as Your Own” written by Jeannie. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

Sharing the Gifts YOU were Born to Express

jeanniecampanelli — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 14:17:16 +0000

Your work is to discover your life and with all your heart to give yourself to it.” – Buddha

When you claim your life, a life grounded in your own body, you discover your deepest self beyond the conditioned mind. As you integrate Presence into your life, you naturally share your unique gifts with your world.

You can express these gifts in a myriad of ways that bring you pleasure – and not just through a chosen career path. The challenge can be to also fully express your natural gifts with your life partner, your family members, and your friends. The practice becomes expressing the gifts that are uniquely flowing through you wherever you are as you move through your day by simply being your true self.

It feels wonderfully satisfying, a win/win, to express what we’re naturally good at – for ourselves and others. It is the way that we express Love in our daily lives. Our heart thrives.

I have spent years in personal development, claiming the field as a passion that has propelled careers in education, counselling, and now coaching. I get both personally and professionally that simply focusing on self – one’s own happiness, well-being, success, and spiritual serenity – does not satisfy our deepest longing. In that paradigm, the focus is about ‘getting’ and that essentially does not work. It can lead us down a path of self-indulgence, resistance to ‘what is’, frustration, resentment, and emptiness.

The real shift happens when we focus on giving. Not so that we forget ourselves and give out of a ’should’ or a ‘have to’. Not that we give what we really don’t want to give. It’s about giving what comes naturally to us and that is a practice that takes time and effort to fully integrate. It comes from an inner confidence – that natural expression of who we truly are that flows through us to others.

It happens when we get out of the way of our own personal identity that we call ‘me’. It happens when, as Byron Katie would say who developed The Work, we stay in our own business, taking back our projections and expectations. It happens when we stand in our own power, feeling the energy that is there to be felt without the story so the flow of Life moves through us into our world – effortlessly. Simply being us.

Practice:

Today notice the feedback that you receive from others. Discover the clues that point you toward your gifts that are meant to be expressed.

Uncovering Inner Confidence

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:41:55 +0000

I had the privilege of leading a retreat this summer called “Nurturing Your Soul” at www.carmelniagara.com, a beautiful and peaceful center in Niagara Falls, Canada. Being together with women in a circle is a powerful way to support us to get in touch with who we truly are and what we truly want.

Connecting to the heart and following its deepest yearning is the compass that leads the way. Simply connecting with the yearning can lead us home to ourselves. I see this again and again in myself and others.

The reality is that when we go to the deepest yearning of our heart, what we want is always, always there for us in the present moment. Knowing this takes time to deeply integrate into our bones. It’s a beautiful path worth taking as it shifts the context of life. For those who attended the retreat, a powerful step on this path was taken.

Inner confidence – real confidence – is NOT about working at making something happen, trying to change a behaviour, or exercising one’s will. True inner confidence naturally arises when the layers of beliefs that stop us from listening to our deepest longing is uncovered. To be witnessed in this process makes all the difference.

Practice:

Take a few minutes in your day to sit and simply be. Place your hand in the middle of your chest where your heart energy is felt. Listen to what it is telling you. Share what you discovered with a friend.

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Flowing Downstream…

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:27:48 +0000

There is a wonderful phrase that is commonly used, ‘the river of life’.

A river has its course. It moves with the twists and turns that appear moment by moment. It flows over obstacles. Sometimes the current is fast, so fast the river is made up of rapids of seemingly chaos. At other times, the movement appears to be slow, yet is always moving forward, connected to the whole.

Moving downstream means you are listening to Life, flowing with the circumstances and challenges of Life, and being with what is in the moment. ‘Trying’ to move upstream occurs when you are fighting what is present.

Regarding feelings in the river of Life: when a feeling arises and is a very familiar one, an old current of past conditioning, moving upstream is fighting it. Trying to fix it or change it is trying to go upstream. Resisting it in any way imaginable is going against the natural current. It doesn’t work and supports a belief that life is so hard.

Moving downstream is being with the feeling. Welcoming it. Noticing where it lives in the body. Allowing it to be fully felt to its peak. Trusting that, like the river, change is always happening. Relaxing and letting go of control is going with the flow. Life, like the river, unfolds in its own way and time.

Practice:

When a familiar feeling arises, practice the art of moving downstream. Feel it. Explore what is underneath that feeling and feel some more. Continue going deeper and deeper, layer by layer, until you reach the bed of the river. And feel that, too.

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Key #3 to Inner Confidence

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:36:56 +0000

Inner confidence flows naturally when we are connected to our core, the spacious peace that is our natural state. This spaciousness/stillness/emptiness is the Big Love, beyond the confines of the personality.

In essence, we are Love. We are perfect. We are whole. At our core, we are the depths of the ocean and the expansiveness of the sky. We are connected to everything.

A key to inner confidence is knowing this at a deep level. As we integrate this knowing through experience rather than as a concept, the Big Love is present in our relationships to a greater extent. From this place, we naturally stop seeking love from our relationships in a co-dependent way and have a renewed capacity to focus on giving rather than getting.

It is unrealistic to expect that our personality with all of its human conditioning and habits will not lead us to places where we forget our natural state, where we forget that we are Love. Yet, our natural state is present when we are completely engaged in the dramatic movie of life or ‘on the couch’ witnessing what is happening.

When I take the time to fall back into my natural state, Life/Love flows into all of my relationships. I am able to accept those closest to me at a level that isn’t accessible to me when I’m entrapped in the conditioned thoughts, feelings, and habits that are fueled by the mind.

Practice:

Give yourself the opportunity to experience Love/Peace/Stillness in whatever vehicle that calls to you. Nurture this connection to your true nature.

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Key #2 on the Path to Inner Confidence

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:12:35 +0000

In my last post, I shared, “inner confidence is not about gaining something. What is really happening is an inhibition to the natural flow of life. There is a block to Life. Natural confidence that resides deeply within us when we rest into peace/stillness/spaciousness is always, always present.” This is the primary key to confidence – allowing the experience of simply being to arise naturally as mental barriers drop away.

The second key to confidence is to invite in rather than resist what is present in our human experience. Feelings and thoughts arise spontaneously – we do not control this. It is the resistance to what arises that causes the blockage. When we simply notice and embrace in the body whatever sensation or emotion that is in the forefront, we are free.

Practice:

Take 5 minutes every day this week to focus on a feeling that is arising in the quiet. Place your hand on the place in the body that is the epicenter for this feeling. Be with it. Breathe into it. Embrace it.

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Confidence as a Concept

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 19:51:11 +0000

The word, confidence, comes up a lot in our culture. It’s at the core of the work that I do through my writing, coaching, and leading of retreats. It’s been the biggest piece of my own personal journey.

What I now see is that confidence is essentially founded upon a concept of the mind that has its own frequency, vibration, atmosphere. It is essentially an experience. Such beliefs as ‘I’m not good enough’, ’something is wrong with me’, ‘I know it all’, ‘I’m less than’, or ‘I’m better than’ are all examples of thoughts which influence whether confidence is present or lacking.

In my work, people come to me because there is a lack of what I call inner confidence. Instead of trying to alter a client’s lack of confidence, I support s/he to actually experience what’s there. This includes the resistance to feeling what is present.

It is not satisfying to fully experience a lack of confidence without changing it because the mind likes results. The reality is that the experience of lacking confidence melts away into Presence when it is deeply and truly felt. In Presence, there is a natural, effortless confidence that is not fabricated or cultivated. It is our natural state.

In other words, inner confidence is not about gaining something. What is really happening is an inhibition to the natural flow of life. There is a block to Life. Natural confidence that resides deeply within us when we rest into peace/stillness/spaciousness is always, always present. From this natural state, our gifts can flow.

Practice:

Begin to notice when a sense of confidence is present and when it is not. Instead of resisting the discomfort of feeling a lack of confidence, welcome it like you would a child or pet that you love. Notice what happens.

With love,

Jeannie

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Babies

Relationship as Opportunity

jeanniecampanelli — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:45:34 +0000

Relationships get messy sometimes. Messy relationships are part of life and happen for everyone.

I witness this in my own relationships, not just with my significant other. Feelings get triggered here and there. Different points of view stir the pot of the identity called ‘me’. The mirror in front of me reflects back the identity of ‘other’ - challenging me to explore. What I am resisting? What am I not owning about myself? What am I avoiding feeling? What is numbing the heart?

In all of the messiness of relationships, we receive the most wonderful gift. To learn to love - innocently, openly, transparently.

Through our relationships, there is the opportunity to experience oneness where there is no ‘me’ or ‘other’ – simply spaciousness/presence/oneness. We open our hearts and allow the love from Presence to flow as it is meant to flow. We experience the Big Love.

And that makes it all worthwhile. That fulfills the deepest yearning of the soul. To know Love. To be Love. To open the heart to Love flowing through it naturally and deeply.

Practice:

Fall back into this moment, aware of the breath, and let go. Place your hand on your heart. Reflect upon those in your life to whom you feel the closest in this moment. Notice the sensations in the heart when you reflect upon each person with a smile of gratitude. Appreciate the flow of Love.

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Going After Love

jeanniecampanelli — Thu, 20 May 2010 21:49:52 +0000

What do you notice when you go after love? When you please, want to be liked, need to belong and feel accepted, and/or seek approval? In other words, what do you notice when you come from need?

When you are in the thick of accommodating, bending, complying, and giving from the place of need, how do you feel? What are the sensations in your body? Place your hand on your heart – is it expansive or contracted? How high is your energy? How authentic are you behaving? Do you tell the truth about what you feel?

The identity of ‘me’ that is wanting something from ‘other’ is a rocky ride. You feel separate. Your emotional state is like a leaf in the wind as you are reactive to what others say or do. You can feel angry, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, ungrounded. Or you can simply shut down. You are asleep to your essence, that which you already are – the divine spark of spaciousness/peace/stillness/love that is the context of your life.

Practice:

Make the intention to be aware of pleasing. When you are connected to your true nature, beyond the identity of ‘me’, the awareness of what you are experiencing is compassionate and loving. There is an opportunity to play with this aspect of the personality and risk disapproval. Magic happens without any mental effort or striving on your part as you loosen the mind’s grip.

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Your Heart is Talking…Are You Listening?

jeanniecampanelli — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 21:39:17 +0000

Committing to listening to the voice of your heart can be a radical act. Sometimes it gives us information that we’d rather ignore because there’s a part of us that wants something different. Sometimes it requires a lot of courage to follow through on its message. Sometimes it can lead us into the unknown. And, sometimes, our heart leads us straight to joy.

I don’t know about you, but I know what it’s like to ignore what my heart tells me. I’ve overridden the voice of my heart for a myriad of reasons – the mind had many ’reasonable’ arguments countering the heart’s message, I’d rather be approved of/included/liked, I didn’t want to hurt someone, it was hard to say no, and/or it was too scary to jump into the unknown.

When I am not listening, there is a sense of regret – an in-the-body knowing that I am out of integrity. It just doesn’t feel right.

I, also, know what it’s like to listen to my heart. How would I know how to do this if I didn’t experience NOT listening? When I’m listening, I am in the flow. I feel a sense of wholeness. I’m dancing with my own life.

Practice:

When a decision is asked of you, place your hand on your heart. Say each choice out loud. Does your heart expand or contract? Then follow what your heart is telling you. Simply notice what it’s like to follow the heart’s lead.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.